Post by rowana on Apr 23, 2006 17:48:47 GMT -5
Ok, this isn't actually fanfiction. This is a story idea I've had for a while that I decided I should start writting down when a few friends told me it would make a good anime. But since I suck at drawing and can't make a manga, it turned out to be in novel format anyway.
I'm interested in getting some feedback from people before I continue so I've posted one the the earlier scenes from chapter two here. I picked this one because it has most of the main characters in it and is a good introduction to the story. Plus it's funny, or at least I think so. The only thing you need to know is that this story takes place several centuries in our future...you'll get most of the rest from reading it.
Alrighty then! Here we go! Enjoy!~
Marie felt paralyzed, physically and mentally. Her whole body ached and tingled. and her eyes tried, unsuccessfully, to focus on her surroundings. The first thing she truly became aware of was a vast expanse of pale blue in front of her. Then she felt something hard and uncomfortable at her back. It occurred to her that she was lying on her back and looking at the sky. That meant she was outside. This was odd, since the last thing she remembered was being inside her lab.
A tiny sound reached her left ear and she sat up quickly in shock. Her head spun in protest to the sudden movement. A high squeaky voice on her shoulder protested a bit more boisterously: “Hey! You should warn people before you do that!”
Fear crept into Marie’s mind and her heart pounded as she slowly glanced over. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a small white form. It was one of the mice she had been using in her experiment. The mouse itself stared back at her. Then in raised a paw and waved amiably. “Hello!”
Marie did the first thing any reasonable female would do in that situation. She screamed.
“Marie! Are you alright?!” Tobias cried from nearby. He came running up to her with the second mouse in his hand.
“The mouse talked!” she squeaked, sounding rather like a mouse herself.
“Goodness Bob!” the other mouse said in an accusing tone. “What did you say to the woman?”
Bob seemed offended. “Nothing! Least ways nothing to make her explode like that.”
“I think something about the experiment changed them,” Tobias offered by way of explanation. He seemed to be taking the new development remarkably well. But then he had always like animals.
“Excuse me!” Bob put in. “I do believe I’m the same as ever.”
The other mouse gave him a patronizing look. “Oh really? When was the last time you had an intelligent conversation with a human?”
Bob thought about that for a second. “You’re right, Steve! This could be more fun than I thought!”
“Fun?!” Marie squeaked. This was not what she had anticipated when she had conceived the experiment.
Tobias was a bit more accepting of the whole situation. The mice reminded him of one of his favorite books, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. He half expected them to start asking for the ultimate question. Either that or two pounds of earthling brain.
Instead, Steve asked: “So what were you humans doing with us anyway?”
The words brought Marie back to the reality of the situation. Of course, the experiment. The plan to send the mice into another dimension. It had worked! She had successfully found another dimension and this was it! She gazed about in awe. She had done it! No one would call her crazy now!
The world itself felt remarkably familiar. Green grass, blue sky, even the beginnings of a forest a short distance away. The sun, for it was a sun, hung bright and yellow in the sky just as it did on Earth. In fact they might as well have been in one of the large parks outside the city.
Except for one difference. The world had no humans. No skyscrapers in the distance, no smog or pollution, no jets in the sky, nothing. No sign of any technology, human or otherwise, anywhere. On Earth that just wasn’t possible anymore. Even in the most isolated of places betrayed the telltale signs of human tampering. If nothing else the air would have had all the pollutants that had plagued the Earth for centuries, despite efforts to clean them.
But the air here was clean. The sky high, clear, and empty. It was obvious that no human being had ever set foot here. Until now...
“I actually did it,” Marie whispered, more to herself than anyone. “It’s all real. This is a whole other world.”
“It’s beautiful,” Tobias murmured in amazement.
Bob yawned, ruining the moment. “It’s ok I guess.” He wasn’t nearly as impressed with this development as the humans were. “I don’t suppose either of you daydreamers have some food? I’m wasting away here!” In his expert opinion, no place was beautiful without food.
“Food?!” Steve snapped in disgust. “Is that all you ever think about?”
“What else is there to think about? Besides girls that is...” He stared dreamily into space.
“Hasn’t it even occurred to you that were are no where near any kind of civilization?! Where are we gonna get food? Much less find girls!” Steve turned his back on his companion and proceeded to sulk. In truth, he was quite hungry himself and had been trying not to think about it.
The mice’s conversation however had brought up a very good point, which now struck both humans at the same time. They were in another demension...how were they going to get home?
Well, that's it for now. I really need some feedback to see how I'm doing. Keep in mind this is the first draft and things could change. If you guys like, I'll started posting the full thing next semester. Thanks for the help! ^_^ I hope you liked it!
I'm interested in getting some feedback from people before I continue so I've posted one the the earlier scenes from chapter two here. I picked this one because it has most of the main characters in it and is a good introduction to the story. Plus it's funny, or at least I think so. The only thing you need to know is that this story takes place several centuries in our future...you'll get most of the rest from reading it.
Alrighty then! Here we go! Enjoy!~
Marie felt paralyzed, physically and mentally. Her whole body ached and tingled. and her eyes tried, unsuccessfully, to focus on her surroundings. The first thing she truly became aware of was a vast expanse of pale blue in front of her. Then she felt something hard and uncomfortable at her back. It occurred to her that she was lying on her back and looking at the sky. That meant she was outside. This was odd, since the last thing she remembered was being inside her lab.
A tiny sound reached her left ear and she sat up quickly in shock. Her head spun in protest to the sudden movement. A high squeaky voice on her shoulder protested a bit more boisterously: “Hey! You should warn people before you do that!”
Fear crept into Marie’s mind and her heart pounded as she slowly glanced over. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a small white form. It was one of the mice she had been using in her experiment. The mouse itself stared back at her. Then in raised a paw and waved amiably. “Hello!”
Marie did the first thing any reasonable female would do in that situation. She screamed.
“Marie! Are you alright?!” Tobias cried from nearby. He came running up to her with the second mouse in his hand.
“The mouse talked!” she squeaked, sounding rather like a mouse herself.
“Goodness Bob!” the other mouse said in an accusing tone. “What did you say to the woman?”
Bob seemed offended. “Nothing! Least ways nothing to make her explode like that.”
“I think something about the experiment changed them,” Tobias offered by way of explanation. He seemed to be taking the new development remarkably well. But then he had always like animals.
“Excuse me!” Bob put in. “I do believe I’m the same as ever.”
The other mouse gave him a patronizing look. “Oh really? When was the last time you had an intelligent conversation with a human?”
Bob thought about that for a second. “You’re right, Steve! This could be more fun than I thought!”
“Fun?!” Marie squeaked. This was not what she had anticipated when she had conceived the experiment.
Tobias was a bit more accepting of the whole situation. The mice reminded him of one of his favorite books, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. He half expected them to start asking for the ultimate question. Either that or two pounds of earthling brain.
Instead, Steve asked: “So what were you humans doing with us anyway?”
The words brought Marie back to the reality of the situation. Of course, the experiment. The plan to send the mice into another dimension. It had worked! She had successfully found another dimension and this was it! She gazed about in awe. She had done it! No one would call her crazy now!
The world itself felt remarkably familiar. Green grass, blue sky, even the beginnings of a forest a short distance away. The sun, for it was a sun, hung bright and yellow in the sky just as it did on Earth. In fact they might as well have been in one of the large parks outside the city.
Except for one difference. The world had no humans. No skyscrapers in the distance, no smog or pollution, no jets in the sky, nothing. No sign of any technology, human or otherwise, anywhere. On Earth that just wasn’t possible anymore. Even in the most isolated of places betrayed the telltale signs of human tampering. If nothing else the air would have had all the pollutants that had plagued the Earth for centuries, despite efforts to clean them.
But the air here was clean. The sky high, clear, and empty. It was obvious that no human being had ever set foot here. Until now...
“I actually did it,” Marie whispered, more to herself than anyone. “It’s all real. This is a whole other world.”
“It’s beautiful,” Tobias murmured in amazement.
Bob yawned, ruining the moment. “It’s ok I guess.” He wasn’t nearly as impressed with this development as the humans were. “I don’t suppose either of you daydreamers have some food? I’m wasting away here!” In his expert opinion, no place was beautiful without food.
“Food?!” Steve snapped in disgust. “Is that all you ever think about?”
“What else is there to think about? Besides girls that is...” He stared dreamily into space.
“Hasn’t it even occurred to you that were are no where near any kind of civilization?! Where are we gonna get food? Much less find girls!” Steve turned his back on his companion and proceeded to sulk. In truth, he was quite hungry himself and had been trying not to think about it.
The mice’s conversation however had brought up a very good point, which now struck both humans at the same time. They were in another demension...how were they going to get home?
Well, that's it for now. I really need some feedback to see how I'm doing. Keep in mind this is the first draft and things could change. If you guys like, I'll started posting the full thing next semester. Thanks for the help! ^_^ I hope you liked it!
It's great. Amusing, and has potential to get very interesting. I want to read more, so I will if you post it! 